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Updates
(03/09/07)
We felt it remiss to bypass
all of February without a
single presidential list...I know, I know,
February is Black History Month. But try this on for size: There has never
been a black president. Oh, did I just blow your mind? I think I did.
Speaking of
crazy
ass crackers...
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(02/03/07)
Here's your Official
Dinosaurs and Ethics Super Bowl XLI Prediction:
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(01/18/07)
You know the drill. Every
year we put out something that is
not a list.
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(12/23/06)
Merry Almost-Christmas!!!
We've noticed everyone and their mother has put out a gift guide this
holiday season and well, we didn't want to be left out.
Enjoy!
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(12/16/06)
Q: What do you call a
teenager growing up in Salt Lake City?
A: A
salt-teen.
Hah! Saltine. Salt-teen. Get it?
God, we hate that our country
is run by an idiot.
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(11/06/06)
Hey.
Yeah, I know it's been a
little while.
Well, I could ask the same
thing of you. I could even add some more condescending inflection. What
exactly have you been up to that caused a four-plus month hiatus?
Um, we moved. And boy,
is this
place old.
No! You're supposed to say,
"How old is it?"
Forget it now. If I told the
joke now it'd come off super lame.
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(06/28/06)
We got the knees checked out.
As it happens, we actually need ACL surgery. Yep, they're going to have to
shave our knee and go to town. Speaking of shaving, that Paula Cole never
met a razor she liked and let us all in on that tasty morsel of info with
the following
eye candy. She
sang the songs
we wish we didn't know the words to.
Also, we just finished two
alternate history novels about the Nazis winning the whole kit and caboodle
in WWII which inspired us to write some lists about David Schwimmer entitled
Schwimmer's
Lists.
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(06/20/06)
Man, our
knees hurt. Our doctors say it's probably
from all the stress we're placing on them rising from our seats to walk out
of craptastic
movies.
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(06/14/06)
Some quick-hitting external
links:
And a
brief (serious?) article that pretty much sums up how we feel
about this country.
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(06/11/06)
Who out there thought we'd
never get around to posting something in the
media section? C'mon, don't be shy. To be
perfectly honest we didn't think we'd ever update it either. Well, enjoy
the tune.
In other updates, we've
finally nailed down our research (ha!ha!) and found the quintessential
six degrees
of Kevin Bacon. We're big fans. He's always been like a
big brother
to us. A big brother with a
massive head.
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(06/09/06)
Did you people see
this
on Monday? He should
have heeded the last and most important Beatitude which is "Blessed are the
insane, they will be devoured by lions as a harbinger of what will occur
should one call the Lord into action." You can't belong to a faith-based
belief and then ask God to intervene on your behalf. So, I guess there's no God. Here's
a quickie update before tomorrow. That's right we're getting into the
greeting card business.
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(05/31/06)
On the one week anniversary
of the American Idol finale (which most of us are still talking about!
Am I right?), our Harvard-trained research team goes in-depth to let you in
on
what the 12 finalists have not been up to
since that fateful Wednesday when Taylor stole Katherine's rightful crown.
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RSS:
(05/29/06)
Two quick points before we
get to the meat of this update. We love our thesaurus function as much as
the next guy, unless
this guy is the next guy.
He should adopt the
Official Dinosaurs and Ethics Guide to Living:
-
Everything in moderation
-
Everything is "location,
location, location"
-
Everything is edible if
you try hard enough
Also, we feel the best way to
fess up to
an adulterous relationship is a Hallmark
card with a heartfelt apology.
Now to the big news. We here
at D&E had the pleasure and we stress, pleasure, of
interviewing Barry Bonds' ego over the weekend. Boy, that thing
is massive. It took
up a third of what I previously thought was spacious accommodations here at
D&E HQ. The ego
gave us carte blanche in terms of question-asking with one exception: No
Babe Ruth questions. But we weren't planning on asking about him anyway. Why
would we? What's the correlation?
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(05/21/06)
You know who doesn't get
enough play in the media?
Tom Cruise. That's right, we said it. You
know what gets far too much play?
Stupidity (our homage to George Carlin).
You know who can play? That Lebron James. And D-Wade ain't far behind,
although he may be lacking in the
computational mathematics department.
Also, as many of you know, we
here at D&E were the
utmost supporters of any and all efforts to
get Arrested Development back on the air. We will not, however, be
signing any of
these Arrested Development petitions.
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RSS:
(05/16/06)
A
little sexual predator humor
to whet your appetite
for the big update this weekend. We're also working on a
RSS feed for the site. Crazy, huh?
(05/08/06)
Our little site is growing up
so fast. Check out the new
Not News section. Also,
Episode 2 in our ongoing series of
Conversations Made Possible By Time Travel. Oh, and did we mention that the
woman who bore you should lose some
significant poundage,
at least if she wants to live a longer, healthier, fruitful-lier life.
(04/26/06)
If Katherine McPhee gets the
boot tonight we here at Dinosaurs and Ethics will kill someone...not unlike
the National Federation of High School Football
murdered The Fumblerooski.
And stay tuned in the coming
weeks for a slight redesign and a steady stream of content.
(04/09/06)
Hey! It's been awhile. Well,
Ethics and I have been criss-crossing the country like those barnstorming
Negro League teams of yore. Yes, we've been busy, but not too busy to miss
the premiere of ESPN's
new reality series
Bonds on Bonds. Boy, that Barry Bonds is really
misrepresented by the liberal media. Sure, he told his daughter she's lucky
she's so young or else he'd kill her. Gosh, I remember
my dad being loving like that with me,
'cept he had a strong sense of verbal irony, so he would try to kill me
anyway.
Keeping it on the sports tip,
here's
a letter Ethics wrote to Joakim Noah which
apparently proved to be tres-persuasive.
(03/31/06)
Long night. Or I'm a liar.
Anyways, Happy Early April Fool's. Do you like
television? How about
basketball?
Also, Ethics dug up an
old article and wanted me to post it as
such:
"My mother found a few of my old
writings from when I first tried to get into Detours. I don't know
if it is publishable. There was something about Joan Rivers that I
kind of liked. If you put it on the site I think I want this to be
on the home page introducing it."
(03/23/06)
More updates on the way later
tonight. For now, just realize that we here at Dn'E don't just recommend our
links. We live
them. Ethics can barely hear after
attending a Ted Leo concert in Chicago last weekend. Speaking of which,
here's
a list dedicated to those who like having
their faces rocked off, but also like earning a weekly paycheck.
(03/10/06)
T.G.I. Friday.
This guy knows what I'm talking about. By
the way, that's
irony, we're not really thanking God for
Friday. We'd thank him if he could make some of
these things happen. Oh, and
Maria Sharapova. We should get down on our
knees and thank him for
Maria Sharapova.
(03/05/06)
Well, it's
Oscar Sunday and we could give a rat's ass.
Doesn't anyone remember when the Academy Awards used to be
good? Or for that matter when
Guys Gone Wild was just a stupid idea for
parody - not an actual product!?
Personally, we can't wait for
Monday. That's when the
real
magic happens.
(02/23/06)
Do you ever hear voices?
Well, if you had to have a voice living inside your head you probably would
wish for one of
these.
(02/22/06)
We here at Dinosaurs and
Ethics have learned that actor/director/shitmonger Vincent Gallo has
offered to sell his semen for $1 million including "all costs related to
attempt at an in vitro fertilization." Fertilization by Gallo "the old
fashioned way" would cost $1.5 million. The guy who filmed Chloe Sevigny
chompin' the bit in The Brown Bunny says the offer is not open to
"those of extremely dark complexions" and offers a $50,000 discount to any
woman who is blonde, blue-eyed, or related to "any of the German soldiers of
the mid-century."
In response, James T.
Dinosaurs will be offering his semen for $2.00 a pop. And not to leave the
men out in the cold, Wilma "Cutie Pie" Ethics will produce eggs for
fertilization for the low, low price of $7.50 (the cost of getting full at
Taco Bell).
But that's not all, it seems
we've got yet another bone to pick. We here at Dinosaurs and Ethics ask you
all, our loyal three readers, to boycott
The Chicago Children's Museum. Do this and
you'll get a 15% discount on Dinosaurs and Ethics' semen and eggs.
(02/20/06)
A new
article.
Also, we want to thank
everyone who wrote to us to point out the mention of Dinosaurs and Ethics in
Time magazine. There was just one tiny problem with the Time
piece. When they said Dinosaurs and Ethics they meant to say Dick
Cheney. Simple error that happens all too often. To clarify: It was Vice
President Dick Cheney who shot his senior citizen hunting chum Harry
Whitingham. Dinosaurs and Ethics had nothing to do with the shooting. Once
again: Dick Cheney and Dinosaurs and Ethics are different. One is a website.
One is the Vice President of the United States. We hope this clears up any
confusion.
And to answer your question:
Yes,
that was us comparing Bobby Valentine to
Hitler. One more
Hitler comparison for the kids. Did we do
it to prove a point or do we actually think Bobby Valentine is that
infamous? What do
you think,
Hitler?
(02/14/06)
Happy
Valentine's Updates! Our little site is all
grown up. Would you believe we've had hits from Poland, Australia, North
Carolina, Spain, and as far away and remote as Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. But
no Iran. Which is a good thing, because we here at Dinosaurs and Ethics are
finally going to take a stance on something. Although it will cause us great
economic difficulties, Dinosaurs and Ethics has decided that we have no
choice but to cut off trade to and from Iran. We stand to lose upwards of
$0.00 plus possibly our lives, but we're sticking to our guns and our
decision on this one. And now I present you with some
(non)dick jokes, some
lists, and a
petition. Sign up for the petition. We
happen to think it is a righteous cause to back.
(02/04/06/...08 v2.0)
Not twice in one day. Yes,
it's true. And who, who out there, doesn't love
time travel and the conundrums it poses.
Which is why we here at Dinosaurs and Ethics stand by our position that evil
people should never own a time machine.
(02/04/06/...08)
Update City! Take a gander at
Dinosaurs and Ethics's foray into the world of
culinary reviews. Also a fun little
exercise
you can play at home.
(02/03/06)
More updates coming later on
today. For now snack on
A Million Little Pieces of Shit and more
True Facts.
(01/30/06)
It's in.
DinosaursandEthics vs. Hitler. See how we
stack up. Also, a new contact e-mail is coming soon.
Keep reading and we'll keep
updating.
(01/28/06)
Check out the new tab! Our
Not Lists! They're truly delicious. Especially our first not a list, the
suitably titled "Not
a List."
We're thinking about a
section called The Inside Jokes Of The Week. For example:
- It turns out jaundice
doesn't mean unfunny.
- Sea salt is not a
racist object.
- Kevin Costner has
never made a bad movie. Ever.
- It's not your fault.
We're also thinking about
doing a Things We Like and Things We Hate section. For example:
-
Like: Royal Crown Royal,
-
Hate: Bush. No. Not the
President. That would be cliché. We're talking pubes.
-
Hate: Bush. The
President. We changed our minds. We just don't like him.
-
Hate: Bush. The Band.
Nothing against them. It's just the rule of threes.
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